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EFF U WORTHY #32 Pretty sure the constant puking is Baby’s way of giving me the finger. They start so young nowadays, don’t they?.

For those of you unaware, I am currently incubating Baby C.

Those of you who don’t see me every day may not be aware that this baby has caused such crazy a$$ morning (poorly, poorly named) sickness that I pretty much feel like I should just throw a cot in the bathroom and camp out there for the duration of this pregnancy.

I love being pregnant, I can’t wait for Baby C to join our hellish brood.

I CAN though, wish these symptoms to disappear…

1. Puking constantly…especially between 12:30 am-5:30am.

2. Super heightened sense of smell that means I can not go NEAR the arena of CURRENT youngest’s hockey practice. Leaving me upstairs watching through a glass wall.

3. Maternity pants at the end of the first trimester. (not really a symptom but I felt it needed to be b!tched about)

4. An extremely loving and caring partner who keeps scouring the internet and health food stores to find what I call his “potions” to help make me feel better. Seriously babe, I’M not English, I can only drink so many weird teas before I just want a Mint Mocha Frap. (again, along lines of point #3)

5. Dizzyness… It is not fun to feel drunk when you aren’t allowed to have a Blue Flavour Martini…

6. Exhaustion… Anyone who has children already, knows what I am talking about. Its ok when its your first child, you work, you sleep, what else do you really have to do? Add other kids and sports practices, games, recitals, missing sandals 10 minutes before school and a tween and by 10:30am on any given day you are pretty well ready to sleep where you stand.. In the grocery store…no worries, I will just rest my head here in the aisle with the marshmallows, At work… No one will care if I take a quick nap stretched out in an empty conference room, right?

7. Aversion to foods… Baby C…how can chocolate milk suddenly taste like a cold cup of urine would surely taste?

I guess in the grand scheme of things these are really nothing to complain about when the end result will be a baby so loved and adored and cherished. But, thank you to InterWeb for providing a vehicle for its mother to publicly rant so 17 years down the road when this spectacular gift comes home waaaaay to late smelling like cheap beer its mother can pull up this page while wailing… “how could you doooooo this to your own Mother? Did you not know that I spent 9 months puking and tasting pee everytime I drank chocolate milk. And THIS is the thanks I get?!?!”

Morning sickness and your unruly companions,



About thediaryofaneffuaddict

I am a firm believer that I am surrounded by assholes and the intellectually stunted and it is my punishment for being just a little bit AWESOMER then I should be around these parts.

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