EFF U WORTHY #32 Pretty sure the constant puking is Baby’s way of giving me the finger. They start so young nowadays, don’t they?.

For those of you unaware, I am currently incubating Baby C.

Those of you who don’t see me every day may not be aware that this baby has caused such crazy a$$ morning (poorly, poorly named) sickness that I pretty much feel like I should just throw a cot in the bathroom and camp out there for the duration of this pregnancy.

I love being pregnant, I can’t wait for Baby C to join our hellish brood.

I CAN though, wish these symptoms to disappear…

1. Puking constantly…especially between 12:30 am-5:30am.

2. Super heightened sense of smell that means I can not go NEAR the arena of CURRENT youngest’s hockey practice. Leaving me upstairs watching through a glass wall.

3. Maternity pants at the end of the first trimester. (not really a symptom but I felt it needed to be b!tched about)

4. An extremely loving and caring partner who keeps scouring the internet and health food stores to find what I call his “potions” to help make me feel better. Seriously babe, I’M not English, I can only drink so many weird teas before I just want a Mint Mocha Frap. (again, along lines of point #3)

5. Dizzyness… It is not fun to feel drunk when you aren’t allowed to have a Blue Flavour Martini…

6. Exhaustion… Anyone who has children already, knows what I am talking about. Its ok when its your first child, you work, you sleep, what else do you really have to do? Add other kids and sports practices, games, recitals, missing sandals 10 minutes before school and a tween and by 10:30am on any given day you are pretty well ready to sleep where you stand.. In the grocery store…no worries, I will just rest my head here in the aisle with the marshmallows, At work… No one will care if I take a quick nap stretched out in an empty conference room, right?

7. Aversion to foods… Baby C…how can chocolate milk suddenly taste like a cold cup of urine would surely taste?

I guess in the grand scheme of things these are really nothing to complain about when the end result will be a baby so loved and adored and cherished. But, thank you to InterWeb for providing a vehicle for its mother to publicly rant so 17 years down the road when this spectacular gift comes home waaaaay to late smelling like cheap beer its mother can pull up this page while wailing… “how could you doooooo this to your own Mother? Did you not know that I spent 9 months puking and tasting pee everytime I drank chocolate milk. And THIS is the thanks I get?!?!”

Morning sickness and your unruly companions,

EFF U!

Things that Blow My Mind and Rock the Sh!t.

Today’s blog is going to be something a little different.

Not ranty, or angry or full of righteous indignation,

but instead… things that I think are the total sh!t.

So relax,

grab a Hawaiian Punch (AWESOME!)

and enjoy…

Sour Skittles

As far as candy goes, I’m pretty sure these are like little drops of sour, sweet heaven. They rock my taste buds. They are the shiznit of confections. Sour Skittles… I love you.

Guitar Players

YEP, this dude got WAAAAAAAY more play than you! *swoon*

My first serious boyfriend was a guitar player (still is)

My Ex-husband was a guitar player (still is)

The love of my life plays guitar.

Do you see a pattern here?

Dude playing a guitar anywhere, you are instantly 100 times sexier. Keep up the good work of looking thoughtful and deep and sensitive, whether you are playing November Rain *weak knees* or secretly rocking out to Whitney Houston while telling everyone you are really into Leonard Cohen.

It works,

stay with it.

The smell of Bleach

Don’t judge me, there are apparently blogs and Facebook pages dedicated to the smell of bleach.

Its just my favourite smell EVAH! Its so clean and smells like work that I don’t have to do because its already clean and bleach-y! Tell me something that smells better than bleach and I will tell you, you are an idiot and wrong.

End of story.

Jean Grey/ Phoenix and Wolverine

Yes, I am a grown woman in her 30’s who digs the shit out of XMEN comics. Whats wrong with that?

Nothing.

I’m awesome so shut it.

Chatsworth House

Hey Mum, this is my favourite picture from Chatsworth. Thanks for bringing me.

I am an Austenite. I wanted to see ONE thing when I went to England with my English spouse. CHATSWORTH HOUSE. And I saw my beloved Pemberley and I got misty eyes looking at the grand entrance and the divine marble. I thank my in-laws for taking me even though they had been there before and looking at another old English House is not their idea of a good time. Love you all.

Dudes with an accent

If you read this entire blog you would know my hubby is English. I swear it is so much easier to tune someone out and have a blissful look on your face when they say things like “Bloody ‘ell!”  “Cuppa tea love?” “blah blah blah James Bond blah blah blah” and “Oh my, someone left a spot of rubbish!” (that is a direct quote)

Dude with an accent,

Everything you say makes my heart flutter.

You rock.

Sass.