EFF U WORTHY # 26 Booty shorts one day, Tuque the next. Welcome to Canada

Dear Canadian Weather,

We your friends are here to stage an Intervention.

We love you.

We hate to see you like this.

You are not only hurting yourself with your erratic behavior, but you are hurting those around you.

It pains us to see you happy and spreading sunshine into the lives of others, lighting up their souls and making them bust out their flip flops and the next day you become a dark cloud raining down your aggression on the poor unsuspecting suckers.

A chill has entered your heart.  A frost has covered my lawn.

Yesterday I stepped outside and snow, EFFING SNOW was quietly falling, covering my car and made me dig out a hat.

This is getting ridiculous.

The previous week had children in tshirts and shorts.

I can no longer sit by and watch you destroying your relationships.

I am going to have to distance myself from you.

I hear Hawaii is nice this time of year.

Canadian Weather…

get your sh!t together or

EFF U.

 

TO ALL WHO HAVE DAUGHTERS, HAVE A MOTHER, A SISTER, A FRIEND.

SACHA's Blog

Don’t be that guy — a campaign from Edmonton has come to Hamtilon!

Maybe you’ve seen these images widely posted online or visited the Edmonton campaign’s website – sexualassaultvoices.com?

This campaign encourages a couple of Extremely Important responses when it comes to partying it up and getting your bevvy on. First and foremost, it encourages male participants to Not Be That Guy — you know, the one who Only Talks to Drunk Women, the guy who Buys The Drinks For The Ladies all night; who Comes On Strong; and who is seen behaving coercively, pressuring or seem entitled (to certain women, for example).

In contrast, and by making a monstrously glaring example of That Guy, this campaign also encourages a different way for men to respond to women while drinking: with Respect for her needs; a Desire to Foster Safer Space for women; and An Ear for Consent —…

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EFF U WORTHY #25 When the Sh!t did Pearl Jam become retro?

If you recognize this picture it is too late for you to be considered cool. Your good years have apparently passed you by…

Have you listened to the Retro Nooner lately (on the radio if you are old school) or online like today’s kids?

If not…

DON’T.

Apparently Pearl Jam is Retro.

I had totally expected to hear The Smiths or The Pixies but instead I was musically punched in the face by Pearl Jam and Eminem.

My head is still spinning. Up seems Down and Left seems Right. It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white (Booyah!)

This seems wrong. And sad. And my ego is a little bruised. And not a good bruised like from Moshing at a Tea Party concert but bruised like I fell down and hit my head on the edge of the Cribbage Table while going to get some Werthers hard candies.

That reminds me.

Buy some Werthers hard candies.

Time…

EFF U!

EFF U WORTHY #23 Sorry, God hates you

Lets start off by saying, I am PRETTY IMPRESSED with myself making for that picture.

Now, on to my rant.

 

I know I have talked about Karma before. I know I have advised the down trodden to wait for Karma and her awesome b!tchslap. I have said these things and now, NOW, I wish to give Karma a big sloppy kiss, or at LEAST a double high five and an a$$ pinch.

You know what really makes me all warm and fuzzy? Knowing that others now see your crazy, manipulative bullsh!t for what it is, the machinations of the truly disturbed.

And not just any people, people that matter in the grand scheme of our lives. Important people. People who will have a say in our future.

Thank you for being the insane lunatic that I know you are. Now others know it too.

Officially,

on the record.

You may have thought that you were above being held accountable. You may have thought that what you were doing was going unnoticed by anyone.

Now we all know different.

Bad things happen to bad people like you and it makes me happy.

Out of control crazy b!tch,

EFF U

 

 

 

EFF U WORTHY #22 Oh its the center of the YOUniverse, mah bad

I write this as an apology, I did not realize that you were the center of the universe and it is this oversight on my part that I will ask forgiveness for.

I did not take the time to look at things through your eyes. How could I POSSIBLY ever think that something involving my family was not about YOU?

How could I possibly have thought that my child would be considered a priority to someone like, ME or HIS FATHER when YOU were involved?

I was but a foolish, selfish, silly little woman to think that you would see beyond yourself.

I beg forgiveness, I have seen the error of my ways.

Daylight savings time?

YOU need more daylight in the cold dark days.

Tsunami’s in Asia?

The water trying with all its might to get here, to wash the dust from YOUR feet.

*le sigh*

It must be exhausting walking around carrying with you that giant golden halo.

To you,

you self absorbed, selfish, irrational, unreasonable, deluded, poor excuse of a human being,

EFF U

EFF U WORTHY #21 hope you are saving for your child’s future therapist.

There is a reason children call you their PARENT and not their FRIEND. At least until they are 21. If your children do not look at you with disdain and they are older than 8, you are seriously effin’ this one up.

You know what else is a big glowing sign advertising “A BAD PARENT RAISES THIS FUTURE JUVENILE DELINQUENT”? A child who does not understand the meaning of “NO” or FAILURE.

Lets face it, you stripey haired manipulative B!TCH, YOU should be calling the shots when it comes to your child, not YOUR CHILD. And if YOU are really making all these stupid, childish, selfish decisions, TAKE OWNERSHIP AND DON’T PLAY THE “well she waaaaaaaanted to (fill in the blank with latest lame a$$ dipsh!t action). Did you want her to be upset?!”

YES!!!!!!!!!

Children need to know that there are rules.

Children need to know that they can trust you to keep your word.

Children need to know that they can’t always get everything they want because,

A. It is not always the best thing for them,

B. Our actions have consequences,

C. There are other people in this world other than YOU and YOUR CHILD (as hard as this is for your pea sized brain to comprehend).

Children need to learn this because when they are no longer attached to your metaphorical t!t they will need to be … ACCOUNTABLE!

*gasp*!!!!!

For Serious!

Now on to the subject of FAILURE.

I’m sorry but your child will NEVER be perfect at every thing she does. You are not doing her any service making her think that she is, because trust me, the children she will encounter at school will knock her down a peg. She will be mocked, friendless and not understanding what the problem is, and guess what the problem is…?

YOU!

The real world isn’t the same as your house (as is painfully clear to EVERY ONE) and you owe your child to GROW THE F&@K UP, be a PROPER PARENT and stop making your child live out YOUR FAILED DREAMS.

If this concept is lost on you,

see a Therapist, buy a book, watch DR PHIL but for the love of whatever deity you are a follower of, be a parent.

You can be a friend in 18 or so years.

Unless of course your child grows up to see you in all your PSYCHOB!TCH glory.

Bad Parent,

EFF U

EFF U WORTHY #20 I consider it work not dropping a piano on you

This is for my sister, her own EFF U letter.

Dear Coworker (and I use the term VERY loosely),

As far as I know I am not getting paid your salary to do your job for you. If I am indeed getting paid for both our jobs I am certainly not getting paid enough.

How is it your ineptitude has escaped the watchful eyes around us? Is it because I cover your a$$ and make sure sh!t gets done around here? I think YES.

I think that I am sick as sh!t of covering your lazy a$$. I think it is time to remove the grown up training wheels and let you ride yourself. Ride yourself right to the unemployment office or perhaps into a big tree. Your choice.

Please don’t mistake the fact that I continue to do all the work as an open invitation to continue to do f%&k all. I am not working because I ENJOY it. I am not busting my a$$ to make your day easier. I am working because that is what adults do. They work. Unless you are born wealthy or have the fortune to be the right stripper in the right oil baron convention at the right time, you work.

Lazy Coworker,

EFF U