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EFF U WORTHY #11 Dude I love you but LIFT THE SEAT or I’m trading you in for a girl

I love my son.

He is creative and sweet and gut burstingly funny.

But, when I go into the kids bathroom and I see p!ss on the toilet seat I feel like I want to go back 7 years and not have that last vodka cooler of the evening if you get my drift.


This is an easily solved problem. There is no need for this.

1. Lift the seat

2. Aim

3. Done.

Where are we going wrong here?

I know we have gone over these fundamentals with “the boy”. I know he understands the concept. What is it that makes just letting it fly, the better choice?

I’ll tell you. Laziness.

Now don’t you go telling me that I’m being harsh because this is the same kid that would lay face down over the toilet, pointing the little guy downwards into the bowl to avoid having to touch it so he didn’t have to wash his hands. I see his logic, and bonus points for creativity but, seriously?

I know he eats well and gets lots of exercise so he has the STRENGTH to lift that seat. His eyes have been checked so I know he can SEE the bowl. The boy has been known to save princesses, defeat aliens and lead an army of XMEN for HOURS, so I know he can CONCENTRATE on this task for, what, 45 seconds?

So while I will continue to love and cherish the little boy who makes my heart sing, I will continue to cringe and curse under my breath every time he leaves the bathroom.

So, using one of his favorite sayings du jour as a precurser for the next statement,

“This is inappropriate for younger audiences”

Urine left on the toilet seat,



About thediaryofaneffuaddict

I am a firm believer that I am surrounded by assholes and the intellectually stunted and it is my punishment for being just a little bit AWESOMER then I should be around these parts.

One response to “EFF U WORTHY #11 Dude I love you but LIFT THE SEAT or I’m trading you in for a girl

  1. are you SURE it’s not dad, cuz as “the boy” once, getting blamed for dad’s pee is a piss-off. the other thing is “the boy” is responsible for both lifting AND putting the seat back down, if he only remembers one of those things he gets bitched at, so in the mind of “the boy” he’s damned if he does and damned if he don’t. So why try?

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